


How does a moment last forever

by screnitys (rosemaryoon)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, i love when fics make you sad, it's been a while since i wrote in 1st person, jeongcheol - Freeform, sad hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:41:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22139509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosemaryoon/pseuds/screnitys
Summary: hi! I hope you had a nice time reading, you can follow me on Twitter @screnitys or Instagram @h6sel
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Kudos: 3





	How does a moment last forever

1.  
Every single decision, small or big, had led us to this moment. All the dismissed calls, overseas traveling, every experience from childhood and youth, they all made us come here, facing the other with teary eyes and sealed lips while the clock ticks in the background and people walk outside the building.   
All the times I’ve had these eyes filled with joy looking at me, they only seemed close to how they’ve stared at me the first time I saw them.   
The first time I met Seungcheol the night was a calm dark, and his eyes were tired. Thinking that this time it wouldn’t be like the first time we met, this time there wouldn’t be a second date and late-night conversations that made our day turn into a happy one even if it had actually been the worst out of the whole year. There wouldn’t be a hand to hold and right now, this one time, would be the last trace of warmth that I would feel from his palms and fingers.   
Just seconds ago he was saying “Jeonghan, don’t cry, it’s all going to be fine.” Making it sound like a promise that would get lost in every other word I would prefer to remember. Seungcheol had given me so many happy phrases that rang in my head every time I went to sleep. Whenever negative thoughts came in, whether he was across the world or sleeping beside me.   
I just wondered if there would have been a way to prevent all this. Maybe if we had done something differently or if we haven’t been to some places. Maybe if we had painted our room another color or we had met under different circumstances. Would these things change us that now just seemed to end?

1.1  
I met Seungcheol after taking the train the wrong way. It had happened to me before. Sometimes I’d just copy everyone around by looking at my own feet while walking, and this time it led me to the wrong side of the station.   
I figured it when I was already three stations away from my starting point, and more than 10 stations away from where I was supposed to be headed.   
It was perhaps something inside me that wished to go out of the station and sit beside a tree not noticing the defeated man looking up to the sky with his eyes on the verge of tears. It was perhaps something else inside me that made me stand up and act clumsy enough to step on said man’s feet. We made eye contact and it somehow led us to a coffee.   
Seungcheol wasn’t working at the time (on our first few dates) so I always felt free to pay for him. Sometimes I wondered if he only agreed to meet because he knew there was going to be a free meal on the table, but all these useless worries left me when he called me to take a walk and confessed. His words, I would never be able to forget. It was as shy as he is, with his blushing ears and the city as a distraction. These slippery words are engraved in my head and even though I am a man with poor memory capacity, they haven’t left and it always feels like they’ve been said yesterday or the day before.   
We started dating soon after; Seungcheol found a job and resumed his studies. Then I graduated and had to move to Seoul. We grew apart, I made new friends, spent time getting to know adult life and got my dream job, which became something that easily occupied an 80% of my brain, Seungcheol was sometimes the remaining 20%, sometimes he wasn’t.   
It was hard for me to figure right away that I was neglecting him, I actually figured it out when I went back to visit my family and saw with my own eyes he had moved and changed his number, I had no trace of him and I started feeling like I just stood in a starting point all over again, just that now there was nowhere to go.   
I became irritable and spent more time in my hometown than I should have. I missed a day at work and came back to have a talk with my superior. At first, I was ready to hear they would fire me, but they were just concerned; “He came yesterday and spent the whole day in the waiting area because he was sure you would come, he said he didn’t know where you lived, he looked worried and sick so we took him to the Hotel near. He said he was your boyfriend… And Jeonghan… Are you homosexual?”  
My world shattered and everything around me seemed to show me their backs, I was seriously back to 0, just like that day at the subway station, only that now I knew where to find him.  
Seungcheol opened the door and hugged me the tightest I had been hugged in more than a year. He explained he had left his house and had nowhere to go, he was afraid I had forgotten about him, which was somehow truth, I had erased some importance when it came to him because my job seemed like something so much more real and important. Then it just took for me to hold him in my arms to know he was my real.   
He started living at my small apartment in a 10th floor in this not so good neighborhood in Seoul, I wasn’t fired from my job that day, but I quit, afraid my co-workers would treat me differently. I had some savings to survive at least two months (considering Seungcheol was under my roof as well) but he decided to go out and look for a job as soon as we woke up the day after.  
“I got it” he came back the next week with a satisfied smile on his face and his hair blown by the wind, “It is night shifts… and well, the pay is not that good, but I’ll be able to help you and… they said maybe if I do good they could raise it, the pay… I could also do extra hours, to buy food and other expenses.”  
He looked so grown up, like everything in his life was coming back to normal after breaking apart, and with that his body and face and the look in his eyes, all seemed at ease.  
Seungcheol did his best and I did my best in the new job I had been recommended by my boss. There was just this one small thing bothering me; the inevitable distance.   
He would be back in the morning, we had breakfast together and then I left and came back home to see him one hour before he had to leave.   
Before experimenting weeks like this, I thought I could tolerate it, I thought I was already running out of love, I thought I was helping him just because he did need a friend, but with every morning greeting and every breakfast we managed to cook, with every dawn interruption when he came back to what was now our bed, I felt like my heart regained a piece to its place, as if a puzzle was being formed by a genius, who knew too well how things worked.   
I didn’t want to worry Seungcheol, although he had probably noticed the lack of I love yous by my side. He said nothing and continued to smile tranquil and show me his glittery eyes every time he listened to me talk about random things.   
One of these days I came back to him sitting in the floor trying to fix something about the vacuum cleaner, he looked up at me with strands of hair in front of his eyes, he told me something about needing a haircut while he stood up and walked to my side.   
“Why are you not moving?” he asked me, and by his side, looking at his big dark and expectant eyes, remembering our yesterday our simply our morning or flying back all the way to our past, I let him and the feelings fill me again.   
“I’m sorry,” I told him, and he just hugged me.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! I hope you had a nice time reading, you can follow me on Twitter @screnitys or Instagram @h6sel


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